I Wish I Didn’t Have To Write This

by Bianca @ Italian Fix

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I wish that every one of us was so fulfilled, clear on the meaning of our existence and so incredibly content — that I wouldn’t be writing this.

If you’re one of those unicorns who is dripping clarity, purpose, and self-assuredness 200% of the time, please stop reading, because these matters don’t concern you (but call me ‘cause I wanna know what you’re drinking).

For the rest of us, I’m going to underline a fundamental truth.

Here it is:

It’s ALL up to you.

In other words, quit waiting for others to give you a permission slip to do things you want to do.

Here are 5 pointers to help you ditch external validation and feel good while doing it.

Warning: you might not know what to do with your newfound chutzpah.

1. No one who is going to take care of you. I mean, they did, when you were a kid and your lunch needed to be packed, and your nose wiped. But now, adulting means, paradoxically, you’ve got to follow-through and take care of you first. The ol’ “put your oxygen mask on first” rule is just the way it’s gotta be, so everyone survives (and hopefully thrives).

2. Self-reliance means being your own advocate. Self-reliance means being radically accepting of your “advocate” title, and doing the work (even when it’s hard) to warrant the title in the first place.

3. Money is a popular excuse for not doing something we really want to do. Because money is the world’s most famous scapegoat, it’s easy to chime in with the masses and say, “I can’t afford that.” Instead, challenge your brain to think, “How can I afford that.” The world is plenty saturated with “can’t do” types. Be one of the few “figure it out” types.

4. Nobody cares as much as you. Seriously, it can be a bad habit when the words, “what do you think about …” flow out of your mouth before you’ve checked with your most trusted advisor: you. Are you quiet long enough to hear what your instinct is telling you?

5. Accept that things will never be perfect and that all the stars do not need to align for you to “make your move.” Whatever that move is, be someone who’s OK with stepping on the first stair, even if you don’t see the whole staircase.

I’ve used all of these “ mind tricks” to help me travel the world, learn new languages, start a family, start businesses, create products and meet beautiful women from around the world in Italy.

If I waited for my “permission slip” from someone or something … I think I would still be waiting.

***
Now, I would love to hear from you.

If you get a chance, tell me your “did it on my own” moments.

Please share in the comments below.

Xx
Bianca

 

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Rachel Jones Wilcox

Bianca,
Your posts are insightful and Raw. Appreciate your absolute commitment to put more Beauty out into this world, not just stand on the sidelines of it and wait for it to show up.

I’ve got a few group trips coming up soon from the USA to France and Italy in Spain. Could we talk about ways to get you involved?

Reply

Bianca @ Italian Fix

Hi Rachel,

Thanks for chiming in and I’m glad the words resonate with you. Feel free to get in touch with our support crew (ciao@italianfix.com) for your trips abroad so we can have a chat about what you’re looking for. Grazie, Bianca

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Justine

All the yes to this article! You’re my hero and such an inspiration to me. Going on one of your tours is going to be a present to myself very soon!

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Bianca @ Italian Fix

Justine,

Thanks for the super sweet comment and I’m happy to hear that some of the ideas inspire you. I’ve been massively encouraged to follow my own path from reading the work of other authors and creators and I’m just paying it forward. Looking forward to hearing more from you, Justine. xx Bianca

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Stephe F

Wow wow wow……just had my lightbulb, penny drop moment….thank you for giving me the realisation and the belief I can figure the how’s out….I will be seeing you in 2018 😘 xx

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Bianca @ Italian Fix

Ciao Stephe,

Wow! Love to hear that. The “hows” just have a way of falling into place when you get clear on what you want. My biggest tip is to be flexible on the “how I’ll get there” plan because it inspires natural problem solving skills. In any case, you got this! I’m cheering for you. xx Bianca

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Keryn booker

I think it’s terribly sad , you have no one to rely on except yourself , that’s a very singular way to live , which is becoming more prevelant , of the me generation . I know your trying to mindset some poor souls to buy a trip, but I think a more encouraging tone is nicer than appealing to their inner angst. I think your trips look lovely and your business looks great , the only fault I have would be spending time with group of angst driven individuals hell bent on finding themselves . Keryn

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Bianca @ Italian Fix

Keryn,

My husband, as he made me coffee on Sunday morning, kitchen table piled high with our daughter’s crafts, smiled at the thought of me feeling like I have “no one.” I wish I did feel more alone sometimes, especially when I’m trying to take a bath in a busy house. 🙂 It took me most of my life to understand that “it’s all on me” and I don’t expect that to resonate with everyone. Self-reliance can be interpreted in many ways.

In the last seven years we’ve posted free articles on this blog to help people travel to Italy. We’ve shared all kinds of things, from “glad I knew that” travel advice to our top recommendations for restaurants in Florence to our free 3-day CInque Terre itinerary.

Other posts on this blog share our company’s values and DNA, because it’s important to us that our readers and clients know who we are as human beings. Our values are compassion, fun and self-love, so as much as we love to welcome new guests each year to travel Italy with us, trying to “mindset some poor souls to buy a trip” is not who we are. We are sharing our experience and perspective, the seeds from which our company and tours took root and have grown. Some people will connect with that and others won’t. We don’t sell “mindset” products, but we do believe a “can-do” attitude helps in so many aspects of life, including travel.

I get asked frequently, “Who goes on Italian Fix tours?” and I find it impossible to give a one-size-fits-all answer. Our “people” are hundreds of women from over 20 countries, who range in age from their 20s to their 80s. They differ in mother tongue, socio-economic background, race, religion, worldview… in everything! Every single person who travels with us, or travels without us, has her own, unique motivation.

Calling our people “hell bent on finding themselves” is a cynical generalization that I would never presume to make. But if I did meet a woman, on our tours or on the street, who was in the process of “finding herself,” I would congratulate her. Aspiring to the freedom to be who you truly are is, in my humble opinion, among the noblest of pursuits. All the best Keryn, Bianca.

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Anthony

Love this, thanks for sharing, I really sync with the first one, taking care of yourself, it’s taken many many years for me to grasp this, no matter how independent I believed I was, Ive applied this on so many level in my life, it’s constantly evolving with time.

“Accepting things will never be perfect” is something i struggle with, I stew on things before making a move, i think with age we can get rigid and comfortable, that’s where travelling breaks you open to all possibilities.

Keep up the great work

Wholeness and Balanced Vibrations

Anthony

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Bianca @ Italian Fix

Hey Anthony,

Love your salutation “Wholeness and Balanced Vibrations” – what a nice thing to read!

I think some of us are naturally wired to defer to “thinking”, and some of us are naturally wired to defer to “action” — and I believe both personalities are needed. That duality is just a balancing act and I don’t see anyone who has it “right” 100% of the time. (I find someone who does, I hope they’ll share a guest post with us!)

I think the whole “perfect” thing was really the way in which most of grew up (and how our parents grew up) – after all we were well trained to please our teachers and our parents and we were rewarded when we succeeded. With our daily dose of conditioning from birth, it’s no wonder we’re still trying to win our gold stars, and our perfectionism gene is triggered in adults of all ages.

For more insight into that, I like reading about things like “the lizard brain” and how our brain is wired to make us survive and not happy. I have a feeling you would enjoy reading more about that, too.

Take care, Anthony. xx Bianca

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Moira

Wise and gentle words thank you Bianca and necessary for many. I would add just one more and that would be ‘don’t give anyone else the responsibility of making you happy’.

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Bianca @ Italian Fix

Ciao Moira,

Thanks for adding and I love that.

It’s something I struggle in trying to teach my pre-teen girl, because it seems like the world tells her that happiness comes from “the outside”. I still don’t know how to really “show” her that, instead of just telling her point blank. Constant validation from parents and school and friends is more like “un-teaching” something and I’m still wrapping my head around just what I can do in daily actions. I’m open to suggestions, Moira. Thanks for being here. xx Bianca

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Cindy Kanegis

Bianca,
Buongiorno,
Just wanted to thank you for your email, full of wisdom and honesty. As a coach, my mission is to help other’s move past their fears and embrace the mindset you have so eloquently posted. Having just returned last month from an extended stay in Italy(NYC is home base) I try to live my own life with the “golden nuggets’ you suggest as well, as there is nothing greater than creating a life, aligned with one’s highest values and passions! I will be sure to share with others. Thanks and have a great day! Cindy

Reply

Bianca @ Italian Fix

Thanks for adding to the convo, Cindy.

I like your idea of the “golden nuggets” and a big congrats regarding your recent trip to Italy. Extended stays are where it’s at!

As a coach I can imagine part of communicating those nuggets is sharing a lot of different examples and implementing some really creative language to help those ideas land. Congrats on your work and having it aligned to your values and passions is a “yay”. Please keep in touch! xx Bianca

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Diane

This post really spoke to me. Beautifully expressed Bianca.

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Bianca @ Italian Fix

Appreciate hearing that it spoke to you, Diane. Hope to keep hearing more from you. xx Bianca

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dany Nader

Dear Bianca,
I thank you for being what you are. Reading your post, I felt like i had a long discussion with you longtime ago. I spoke to me.

Thank you for sharing your experience, your knowledge and your life perceptions.

Dany

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